Dispatches from the DOWN HOME DIVAS

 

#3 Don’t You Talk Like That to our

Mamaw Earth!

Berea College Pinnacle, February 15, 2012

You all ought to know that the most important thing about being a Down Home Diva is learning to age gracefully. When you’ve been “hell on heels” for as long as we have, one morning you’re bound to wake up and realize that this world has just gotten to be a pure sight. We can bite our collective lip and somehow get past a lot of the things wrong in this mixed up country – these no counts we call politicians couldn’t get a decent bill passed if it was their check at the Cracker Barrel. But there’s one thing we just can’t stomach and that’s this dirty pollution we’ve spread all over God’s creation, our Mamaw Earth.

Let’s briefly list a few key things that piss us off about environmental degradation: mountaintop removal (exasperated sigh, roll of eyes, why is this not taken care of?), people who can hardly manage to put their Coke bottle where it belongs, the waste of paper we like to call Lincoln Hall, the smoke pouring out of all these look-how-big-my-balls-are-I-drive-a-gigantic-truck-for-no-apparent-reason vehicles. If you thought you saw us mad last week, let’s talk about Friends of Coal. If “coal keeps the lights on,” you ain’t the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, honey and if “coal mining is our future,” then Jerry Falwell is Jesus Christ made over.

When are we just gonna secede as the republic of Fabulachia? At least then we can keep the house clean, if you know what we’re saying. Our government is just about put together. You know a long list of Down Home Divas are just teething at the bit after the job. President Lee Smith and First Lady Tammy Wynette (we’ll have to exhume her . . . again!), Vice President Sheila Kay Adams, Attorney General Deborah Thompson Ph.D., and Secretary of State Silas House. Our beloved George Brosi and his beard recently retired as Secretary of the Defense and Chad Berry has agreed to take the position. Do y’all reckon we can get a hold of a double wide pretty soon? We need us a Capitol building.

The first order of business will be to clean up this damn mess we’ve made of our planet. In the words of Vice President Sheila Kay Adams, “God created, we benefited, we **** our nest, let’s clean it up.” We just thought you might like to get ready for the new world order, so, for this week’s dispatch, we thought we’d give you some practical examples to draw from in your journey toward eco-fabulousness.

#1 – Next time you witness an act of environmental injustice, take a leaf out of Widow Combs’ book, a necessary read for the Down Home Diva. If you don’t like what that man is about to do to your ridge with that bulldozer, by God, lay down in front of it! Worst they can do is take a rough picture of you, but it’ll make the evening news. When you see someone neglecting their recycling, we suggest running up to them and belting a line or two of “Which Side Are You On?” They’ll get it. Also, look up Silas House and Jason Howard’s masterpiece Something’s Rising in this week’s edition of the Down Home Diva book club. Watch Deep Down and learn about an Appalachian angel, Bev May. If you run into him on campus, ask honorary Diva Willie Dodson anything else you need to know.

You’ve got friends, right? A Down Home Diva’s social calendar takes precedence above all else. Well, according to Harlan County gem Teri Blanton, “all a Friend of Coal has to be friends with is a damn rock!” Go on and tell ‘em, Teri. Get mad. Let’s not forget Mother Jones, who agreed we should “pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.” (You can hear eco-diva Christina Mauro belt those lines in the Berea College Bluegrass Ensemble’s YouTube performance of “Let The Mountains Roll,” written by Billy Edd Wheeler.) It’s okay to get more than a little bit angry when industry is pouring poison by the gallon in our creeks and keeping our economy in a decidedly un-fabulous state.

But seriously, y’all, do your part. Join Kentuckians for the Commonwealth (KFTC) and for the love of God, think about what we’re doing to these hills we call home. Get off the Facebook for once and go to ILoveMountains.org and learn something. Join Bereans for Appalachia (BFA) and receive fabulous email updates through our listserv. You could also support BFA by purchasing a stylish t-shirt emblazoned with our logo and our battle cry, “Ask Me About My Mamaw.” Send us a letter you’ve drafted to one of our ne’er-do-well politicians and we’ll put a little holler bite to it. These mountains have been put down by industry for a month of Sundays but who is going to make a change? BEREA COLLEGE, THAT’S WHO. Hell, we practically invented change.

It’s been a rough little while here on Earth, y’all. Let’s look to the fierce words of our she-ro Judy Bonds for inspiration as we try to do a little better by our Mamaw Earth. “Now is not a time to be silent. Now is a time to stand up and be counted for. The Earth is God's body! Don’t let up, fight harder, and finish off.”