Dispatches from the DOWN HOME DIVAS

 

#11 – Rue’s Rules - A Lesson in Reclamation

Berea College Pinnacle, October 18, 2012

“My mother said to me once, some agents had turned me down, they said I wasn’t photogenic and that I would never work on television.  That was in 1960.  She said to me, ‘Oh, Eddi-Rue, for heavens’ sake, don’t you know every kick is a boost?’ and I’ve remembered that over the past 27 years.  There’ve been a lot of kicks.  And there’ve been a lot of boosts.  I’m not going to mention the people who gave me the kicks.  But you know who you are.  And you’ll be in the book.”

In 1987, Rue McClanahan was awarded an Emmy for Most Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series for her role in the smash hit sitcom, The Golden  Girls.  She competed for the title faced with steep rivalry from nominees Bea Arthur, Betty White and two other nobodies, and as the envelope waited to be opened, tension silenced the audience completely.  Screwing up the pronunciation of her name for the second time (way to go!), the emcee finally managed to announce the winner, RUE MCCALLAHAN.  Fans across America fell to their living room floors and wailed in gleeful disbelief . . . could it truly be?  Yes, she’d taken it, the glory was hers!  Rue McClanahan was not only an equal to every great actress who ever graced the silver screen before her, SHE WAS NOW BET-TER!  As the orchestra struck up the Golden Girls theme, Rue glided onto the stage with the grace of a black Southern swan in her lace and velvet gown, draped with a lavish feather boa, massive earrings glittering with diamonds (authenticity questioned– we cannot report at this time) and slightly undermanaged roots (a dye job was in order). Clutching the golden award with the grace of a wine glass, Rue surveyed her cuticles distractedly and began her speech.  Rue knew that in that moment, Fame and Fortune were hers.  All she had to do was claim them. 

OKAY!  Let’s wipe our tears and bring all this home – what does a 1987 daytime television award have to do with you, lowly college student?  EVERYTHING.  IT MEANS EVERYTHING. 

Let’s face it, not every day is fabulous.  In fact, some of them are dull, drab and altogether lifeless.  A glance at your overflowing email inbox may have you pulling at your weave in the middle of BC&T, a meeting for a group project might have you ready to throw your cellphone as close to the East Pinnacle as you can muster from the steps of Hutchins Library, you might be ready to storm Lincoln Hall like Sherman burned Atlanta, but . . . wait . . .

There’s a recipe that can dress up even life’s most mundane moments.  It’s a secret blend of spices that can add zest to all the fruits of your labor.  It makes all dishes divine – we can almost guarantee you won’t want to throw that serving platter at the nearest aggravating man.  The Latins called it Carpe Diem, (Seize the Day), but Blanche Deveraux would have said something more like, “Ditch that lousy date, Dorothy.  Let’s rent an adult video, drink mimosas and French kiss the pillows.”  On Golden Girls episode #168 when Rose asked Blanche what could be more important than love and kindness, Blanche responded in a cool tone, “Fame and Fortune.” 
Seriously, you might not feel all that fabulous right now, but Fame and Fortune could be yours.  Close your eyes, take a damn breath, fix up your hair, slap on some lipstick and let’s go.  When life comes crashing down around your ears and IT JUST ISN’T FUNNY, remember, who’s in control?  You’re in control.  Laugh about it.  This ship you’re sailing is a luxury liner, not some two-plank rowboat!  Get back at the stern and, Lord have mercy, get out from under the poopdeck!  There’s a storm raging, the iceberg is ahead!  That obstacle is what our friend and fellow Down Home Diva Elizabeth Vega called, “the life draining system of College.”  Isn’t that hilarious?  College is supposed to be fun and it’s a hell of a lot easier to learn when somebody laughs every once and a while, don’t you think?  If there’s nobody else around, laugh at yourself.  It’s what we’re here for.  It’s time for you to invest in your “life of great promise” and all it’s gonna cost you is a few laugh lines.  And honey, don’t fret ‘cause Oil of Olay will fix them right up. 

Oh, you think you don’t have time for a little fun?   Make some.  Sometimes this will mean cancelling a commitment, sometimes you’ll be working hard to get ahead.  It surely means you’ll have to sit down and do some hard thinking about what actually matters to you  . . . and what DOESN’T.  As Hank Williams Sr. said, “throw your datebook over the fence” and write your local funeral home for a new calendar ‘cause until you cut loose and celebrate some, you won’t get a single thing accomplished.     Make time to do what you love most and remember that life’s best medicine is only a laugh away. 

Screw the pointless stuff, we’re headed out for some shoe shopping!  This laid back living is new for us, but it’s a Cinderella fit, honey.  That’s for sure. 

What’d you say, there, Blanche?

“Well, sometimes you get yourself a really good looking salesman and you try to pretend you don’t notice his hands caressing your calf as he tries to keep his mind on shoes but all the time he’s thinking ‘Dare I peek?  Dare I look more?  Dare I look where no eyes have looked before?’ [ha!]  Then as he kneels there before you, little beads of perspiration breaking out on his forehead, his breath coming shorter and quicker he ever so gently slips the supple leather . . . on your quivering foot . . . and you achieve a perfect fit.  COME ON OLD WOMAN, WE NEED SHOES NOW!!!”